Coach & Mentor
I help people re-program their mind, remove social anxiety & limitations, be at-ease in any social interaction, actually enjoy conversations, and feel comfortable opening up in intimacy.
Early Life and Struggles with Being Reserved
One of my earliest vivid memories is from 3rd grade. During recess, I was playing soccer when some girls came up to me and started flirting with me. I became overwhelmed with strong fear and I responded by running away until I ended up hiding in a distant bathroom. This avoiding and hiding from things that were uncomfortable or might cause pain was an ongoing theme throughout my young life, especially in regards to social situations and with girls.
In high school, I had a lot of anxiety and discomfort with social interactions. When I was hanging out with friends or at a party, I mostly did not enjoy it. During lunch, I would eat with soccer teammates and other friends. I barely spoke and when attention was on me, I would turn red and blush. It was uncomfortable, embarrassing, and not enjoyable. To avoid this social discomfort, I focused heavily on soccer where I could avoid a lot of social interaction by immersing myself in playing. But this fear of attention and judgment also materialized on the soccer pitch. Early on I scored goals fairly regularly but then I stopped shooting altogether. Subconsciously I did this to avoid the attention that came with scoring.
I was very drawn to nature. For a college summer, I went by myself to Alaska to work and backpack in Denali National Park. Two years later, I went on my own on a 3-month bicycle tour of the Pacific Northwest. I thought I was just a nature-guy but I was also using nature and these adventures to escape the dissatisfaction of my regular life. I could be preoccupied by nature and be solitary, which was much easier for me. If I knew how to do the internal work to change how my mind operated, I could've actually enjoyed regular life and not needed the escape.
My family was very nice and my parents were very generous and supportive. However, like most parents, when I did not behave in the way they desired and meet their expectations of what I should be, how I should behave, and what I should do... they became disappointed, upset, and less affectionate. Although this is a totally understandable and normal reaction, to my child self this was worrisome & undesirable. So to try to make sure this negative reaction didn't happen, my child self determined that I needed to perform well and behave how other's wanted. Because I assumed if I didn't, then others will be disappointed, not like me, and judge me as unworthy of their companionship.
This programming was especially strong with girls. It was especially painful if a girl judged me to be unworthy. That would mean I am not masculine enough and am unworthy as a man for a woman. Girls were always attracted to me and I felt attraction to some of them but I had a lot of fear that they would find out that I am not good enough (not funny enough, not cool enough, not good enough with intimacy). This fear prevented me from being open enough to have meaningful connection and relationships with them, especially intimate interactions. I had a lot of performance anxiety and hesitated from even interacting and conversing with girls. My lack of relationships and intimacy with women was my greatest shame.
Throughout childhood I heard that it was important to take the “safe” career path. That if I didn’t get a good, high paying job such as engineer, lawyer, or doctor, that I would be poor and suffer and women wouldn't want to be with me. So I believed that is was very dangerous to try my own thing, to be an entrepreneur, and that I wouldn’t be able to succeed in entrepreneurship. This belief kept me on the “safe” path of pursuing a career as a petroleum geologist, getting a Masters in Geology from the University of Kansas and doing internships with Conoco and Exxon. It also prevented me from showing up fully and offering my unique gifts and medicine to the world. From living an expansive life.
The Devolution of My Body
I was naturally very athletic and was always one of the most athletic in whatever sport I played. Growing up I excelled at soccer, baseball, basketball, tennis, and swimming. Playing sports and being active was one of my favorite things to do and I made many good memories with friends throughout my childhood.
But going into highschool, my athleticism and physical freedom started to gradually diminish. The summer before I started high school, my family moved from Houston to the Dallas-Fort Worth area. That summer I had a very bad ankle sprain that plagued me for the next ten years. An unstable ankle was the physical manifestation of my fear that this new environment was unsafe for me to show up and express myself.
The last semester of highschool, I was engrossing myself in soccer and playing 3x/day. I developed pain in my left knee (patellar tendonosis) that didn’t go away and that I eventually had surgery on. Knees are fear zones. This injury was the physical manifestation of my fear of showing up and being judged and my fear of abandonment. I was using my soccer obsession to avoid my social anxiety and it eventually resulted in pain and injury. This injury prevented me from playing soccer in college and from being very active in general as a catalyst to force me to make new friends and to expose myself to different social settings. You can read more about this here: Physical Issues are Caused by Spiritual Misalignment.
The Start of my Spiritual Journey and the Turning Point
While I was attending the University of Kansas to earn a Masters in Geology, I started trying meditation as a means to “make my mind clearer and less cloudy” so that I could better learn and perform. I got into meditation more and more, did guided meditations, followed Sam Harris’ work, and read and listened to Alan Watts. In the Spring of 2017, I tried LSD a couple times with the intention to “change my mind”. I didn’t enjoy the way my mind operated and the fear and insecurity that was preventing me from enjoying social interactions and from fully showing up in my life. I thought that there must be a way to make life better. So I tried using psychedelics to fix that. It seemed to help some, at least temporarily, but mostly it showed me greater possibility in altering the mind. So there might be a way to improve how my mind operates.
In the summer of 2017, I was interning at Conoco Phillips in Houston when I hit my low point. I was trying the Keto diet, working on a tedious internship project, lacking motivation to find oil, being anti-social, and waking up each day dreading going to work. I finally came to the conclusion that I could no longer pursue this path and decided I wanted to work in the health and fitness field so I could help people not have to go through the same pain & frustration I had experienced from all my injuries.
After the summer internship and before I returned to graduate school, I did a 10-day silent Vipassana meditation course. It was extremely challenging, epic, and life changing. I gained more awareness of my emotions and body sensations and trained myself to objectively notice them rather than instinctively react with aversion from pain or craving for pleasure.
From the course, I gained a lot of emotional intelligence, much more freedom to express myself, and actually started enjoying hanging out with friends and social interactions. My mobility instantly improved as my body tension, which had accumulated from perpetually being on guard in social situations, relaxed and released. I had never been able to do a backflip into a pool before (I would always automatically bail out to the side due to subconscious fear) but on my first day back from the course, I comfortably completed a near-perfect backflip into the pool on the first attempt. When I returned to graduate school, I told my thesis advisor about this meditation experience and what I realized was holding me back in life. After telling him, I cried tears of joy at how freeing this was. Previously I would’ve been too insecure to tell him or most others that I did something as esoteric as a 10-day mediation course because I would have had too much fear that they would judge me negatively. It was so freeing to be able to share this with him.
I knew I didn’t want to pursue the petroleum geology route anymore but I had gone SO far down this path and was SO close to securing that safe, secure, high-paying job I had internalized was necessary. What I had decided I wanted to do instead was become a personal trainer. I was so fearful of my parents and my thesis advisor’s thoughts if I quit this petroleum geology route for a "less-esteemed" job like personal trainer (that I wasn’t confident I could even succeed at), that it took me a long time to finally build up the courage to shift. Finally in the middle of the Fall semester, after receiving a job rejection letter, I spent a night using LSD with the intention to build up enough courage to finally tell my thesis advisor and parents that I would not be pursuing petroleum geology anymore and would instead be pursuing personal training.
The following day I was able to do just that.
After graduating with my Masters in Geology in May 2018, I moved back to the Dallas-Fort Worth area and got a job as a personal trainer. I trained clients one-on-one and taught group classes. I still had considerable social anxiety and insecurity. I was insecure about everything I did... exercise selection, small talk, jokes, selling, posting on social media, etc. I had anxiety going into every one-on-one training session. I felt much better about my work and purpose but I was still very insecure and socially uncomfortable.
In the beginning of 2019, I was made super aware that my fault that was most gnawing at me and providing me the most pain was my reserved nature. I set the intention to “Open Up” and that the year I was provided great opportunities to step-through and remove many insecurities that had kept me in my limited, reserved nature.
In October 2019, I went out to Joshua Tree National Park to participate in the Emptiness Project. It was a group of strangers that got together through Instagram with the shared intention to do self-healing work together. On the first day, I stated my intention to “Open Up” to the entire group. During the 3-day event, the Universe provided beautiful opportunities to overcome and step through my fears around intimacy, touch, and opening up with people and females in particular.
Extremely significant was meeting my current mentor, Ryan Mintz. During that short event, he helped dramatically increase my awareness. For example, I became aware that we have a bunch of narratives we tell about ourselves and about how reality works. These narratives are true but we can operate on other, equally true narratives that are more empowering. Operating on these more empowering stories reduces our insecurities and allows us to show up more fully. One story he helped me shift was related to my shame around not having had sex yet. He helped me re-tell that story and understand that there is nowhere we are supposed to be by a certain time. We are on no one else's timeline. This helped reduce my shame.
Additionally, I had my first experience with colorpuncture, which would turn out to be an extremely powerful tool in my self-healing work and my future work as a coach and healer (To learn more about how colorpuncture works, read Colorpuncture is a Powerful Self-Empowerment). Coming back to the gym after this event, I had much less insecurity and social anxiety. Teaching classes, doing one-on-one sessions, and interacting with people in general all became MUCH more enjoyable. I had healed a lot of insecurity and that allowed me to more freely express myself and show up much more fully in my life. After the event I cried tears of joy and appreciation for how healing it was. Check out my Instagram Recap Post of my Emptiness Project experience to get a feeling for how powerful it was.
The Freedom Teachings Group
For most people, the year 2020 was one to forget as there was the COVID lockdown and quarantine. But it was my best year to date as I spent that year growing immensely in the Freedom Teachings group led by my Emptiness Project mentor, Ryan Mintz. I learned so many lessons and grew so much that year. I evolved out of a lot of my money scarcity beliefs (for example that spending money isn't losing money- you actually gain more energy and value in return). I learned lessons around co-creating with others and that rebellion is a sign of powerlessness (this improved how I worked with others and showed up at the gym). I learned about relationships and communication (for example how we are not in competition with other men as women will resonate and be attracted to our unique personality). I learned about how psychological and spiritual misalignment results in physical dysfunction (for example that disempowering beliefs cause stress, which affects the kidneys and results in knee or glute med pain). And much more. It helped me gain a tremendous amount of awareness around how my consciousness and reality works and how to alter my mind and consciousness to improve my wellbeing and create the life experience that I want. I became much more empowered to change how my mind works and affect what shows up in my life.
Colorpuncture and Facing My Greatest Fear
Because of my extreme fear around judgment, abandonment, and intimacy, I never opened myself up enough to engage in sexual interactions. My greatest shame was not having sex. I hid this fact, keeping it bottled up in shame. This shame was a big factor for me being so insecure socially. I was subconsciously in a defensive guarding state because at any time the subject of girls or intimacy might come up and I would need to hide from or deflect it. Throughout 2020 I did various colorpuncture treatments that made my mind and awareness extremely clear. It helped clear and shift limiting beliefs that until that point had subconsciously controlled my life experience and resulted in repeating unwanted patterns, such as the ways I showed up and related to others.
In September 2020, I started going through the Transmitter Relays colorpuncture program with my mentor, which included the strongest colorpuncture treatments available. Each treatment brought up different insecurities to learn and grow from, helping me to see and grow out of childish insecurities and to become a more and more empowered adult. It was an epic period of growth, with the climax coming during the last Relay Circles. Over a week period, I started dating a girl, shared my greatest shame in not having sex with her, became very comfortable with intimacy, had sex for my first time on the same day I did the last Relay circle treatment. Three days later she broke up with me and my great fear of abandonment came to the forefront for me to face. I chased her to get back together with me because of a core wound that said that "unavailability is love". It was a rollercoaster of experiences and emotions and one that was SO valuable for me to get over my fear of intimacy, my fear of abandonment, the belief that unavailability is love, and so many others. It was a priceless experience and I feel so much more free in so many areas of my life. If you want to read much more specific details on the most epic week of my life, check out How I Grew Out Of My Greatest Fear and Most Limiting Belief.
My Present Reality
I am very secure showing up as my True Self with friends, strangers, and women. I am empowered with the awareness and tools to work through any insecurity or limitation that I have so I can continue developing and showing up fully as the person I desire to be. I packed up my car and moved to the beautiful and magical Sedona, Arizona area. I am a coach and healer and I offer my 12-week online Fully Show Up program as well as in-person sessions. My coaching is much more powerful and effective and my clients are experiencing next-level transformations. My life and wellbeing continues to develop and improve.
This is also possible for you.
If you want to transform your life and become much more secure and confident like myself and my clients, I would be happy to help you on your journey. Check out what I offer: